But I do sometimes wish things had been different. I do sometimes live with sadness for the way some things have turned out.
I feel sad about the ones I love who are hurting.
I feel sad about the outcomes of choices made by those who are precious to me.
I feel sad when I see the consequences of those choices.
I feel sad when I realise that I can only control myself and I can't control others.
I feel sad when I read the news on my phone (thankfully I don't have to watch it on TV) and there is yet more violence, hatred and death.
I feel sad when my beautiful friend, living with the horrors of war, tells me stories that are almost too painful to hear and cause me to sob in the middle of Nandos.
I feel sad when I think about the lives of millions turning into ashes because of an evil system of slavery which causes fear at best and destroys at its worst.
Sometimes this sadness threatens to overwhelm. I find it hard to focus on the boys playing in the sunshine. I can't smile when they bring me picked daisies in a plastic cup of water. I linger just a little bit too long when they hug me and have tears in my eyes as they pull away. I function on automatic because that's the only way to get through.
And then I remember this.
"My soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope.
Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning:
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion;
Therefore I will wait for him'."
So, I google what 'consumed' means and I find this:
So instead of having my mind blown by the sadness, I choose to have it blown by the truth.
A truth which sets me free, every single time.